TTC a little Porter

So, I decided to go ahead and make a TTC blog so that I'll be able to one day look back at everything we've gone through, and realize what a miracle our baby is. So lets play catch up for the past 10 months or so. We started TTC on June 28th, 2007. Yup, I remember the exact date! It was a very special day for me because I had wanted to TTC for soooo long! I had gone to the Dr. for my first ever pap test and pre-ttc visit before we started trying. I told my Dr. my issues with my AF being extra long and having spotting in the middle of cycles, so she decided to do some tests. She decided that I had PCOS and put me on a medicine for it called Metformin. She also set me up an appointment for an ultrasound to confirm that I had PCOS. Well, when I went for the ultrasound, I only had one cyst on my right ovary. Then I went back for a 6 week follow up ultrasound and the one cyst was completely gone. So, according to the ultrasounds, I don't have PCOS. Basically, it's undetermined if I have it or not. I was really excited to be taking the Metformin because my Dr. told me that it would help regulate me as far as AF and ovulation. WRONG! It did the total opposite. Before I started taking this med., I had AF every 32-34 days. Even though it wasn't the picture perfect AF with it being extra long and having spotting mid-cycle, at least I did still have an AF every month! After starting the Met., the first cycle lasted 49 days, then I didn't have another AF for almost FIVE months!!! I had several other Dr. appointments to do tests for endo. and other things, and mentioned this to my Dr. on numerous occasions, and she wasn't worried about it one bit! This was very frustrating for me. After almost five months of no AF, I pretty much had to beg her to give me Provera to bring on AF. I took that for 10 days, and then AF started. After that, I decided not to take the Metformin anymore because I am convinced that it is what caused my AF to go MIA for so long. I did some research and found out about Vitex. I've been taking it ever since I stopped the Met. and it is helping me have shorter AFs now. I'm down to about every 60 days or so now. I was only taking 2 pills a day until a little over a month ago. I decided to up to 4 pills and see if that will help regulate me more. After 69 days and about a week of taking 4 pills a day, I finally started a new cycle. I'm praying that this is the cycle! I was temping up until the start of this cycle, and I never once got cross-hairs to show a confirmed ovulation. I decided to stop temping this cycle because it was really just stressing me out more since I never knew if I O'ed anyways. I've had a few different possibilities for ovulation within the last week, so I'm really hoping and praying that I did O on one of those days. This might be the first month I actually have a real chance at a BFP after TTC for almost a year! I'm trying to be optimistic about it. Even if it's not THE cycle, I really hope that AF comes soon and I have a normal length cycle. I think that about covers everything we've gone through so far in our TTC journey.

Many of my friends on the forum I go to, JM, have gone on to get their BFPs and are actually due pretty soon now. There are also a few friend from my work that are expecting too. I'm actually excited for all my friends who will be having babies soon, even though I didn't really think I would be. I'm even helping plan a shower for my friend Allison at work. The baby shower is gonna be this Sunday. The way I feel about it is that if I can't experience all the joys of pregnancy, I can at least be there to go through it with them.
I just hope that when it is my turn to experience it, I have some good friends to go through it with me too.


Sometimes I do get depressed about our situation. I worry that maybe God doesn't want me to be a Mother. I wonder if I've done something wrong and he doesn't think I am good enough to become a Mom. But then I think about it, and I just can't believe that is true. I want to be a Mother more than anything in this world. I feel like Jennifer Garner on Juno when she said she was just meant to be a mom. I feel like that is my purpose in life. I even think about what we will do if I am never able to get pregnant. We wouldn't be able to afford adoption. So what would we do? We'd just have to deal with the reality of not having a child. What other choice would we have? It's crazy how I was so convinced that Chris didn't want to have kids, because for sooooo long, I couldn't even mention the word baby or he would freak. Now, I think he might even be more excited than I am about TTC. I mean, he still doesn't talk about it alot, but he's definitely on board as far as BDing when we need to. Which has been exhausting by the way, because I have no idea if I even O'ed, so we just have to do it as much as possible until AF shows every cycle. Anyways. I think everyone in both my family and his knows we are trying now. I finally got brave enough to just flat out tell his Dad a couple weeks ago. He is very excited about it, and can't wait to become a Grandpa! I guess he's just getting older, so he realizes that he's not gonna be around forever and wants to enjoy some grandkids before he's gone. I think this has a lot to do with why Chris is so much more on board with TTC now. He's always had this thing about having to have approval from his Dad. And now that he knows he approves, I guess he's more comfortable. The whole TTC process has brought Chris and I so much closer. When a man talks about their children, even when they haven't even made them yet, it just makes you fall in love with them all over again. I can't wait to see him with our children. He's gonna be such a good daddy!

Well, this turned into a really long first blog, but it was good to just get it out there. I'm ready for bed, so I better end this now, but I'm sure there will be many more experiences to come....